dawnee

I dunno why im on self destruct.
one good day. two bad. another good day and then 2 more bad.

Im not even sure why im using this thing again.  probably b/c im always drawn back here.  i odn't even care anymore if i really use my account anymore.  i just thought it would be fun to post something.  this could be a new beginning. 

strange weekend.

got way too drunk on friday and ended up sleeping in my car at brent's house.
some stupid retard trying to get into my car and asking me for sex. fuck off.

woke up at 7am in my car and went for breakfast.

drove forever just b/c i had nothing better to do and ended up at mackel's house and drank more beer until i decided i bettter go home or it was gonna be another night of sleeping in my car.

smoked way too much of my bud. but i guess that is xpected.

no work!
yippee!

all i've done today since i got up was listen to Strapping young lad and smoking bowl after bowl.

now this is what i call a day off!!

and im going to take full advantage of it!

well, my bday camping plan is kinda fucked.

i work the entire weekend. I dont mind making money, moneys always good. but having to fuck up fun camping plans to do it really sux.

i do get the day after my bday off though.

so maybe i'll just stay home and gather a few friends together after i get off work and have a few (dozen) drinks instead.

save the camping for another time i guess.

Well, my weekend may very well be fucked now.
but im actually okay with that b/c i got a new job!

I start tomorrow and yea!!

I really do hope it dosn't fuck my weekend up, but it probably will. damnit.

oh well, there are other weekends and other birthdays right??

my bday is on monday. aug 2.

i didn't have any plans for the longest time.

i think the only time i have my good ideas or make good plans is when im drunk b/c on friday when i was drunk, among many other things, i made plans for my bday. Now, before friday i couldn't think of a single thing to do, b/c monday is a holiday and therefore no bars will be open, and that may have been the only thing i MIGHT have done that day.

but low and behold, i have made plans now!

i will be going camping all that weekend.

the weekend will go as follows:

Friday - waterslides all day
saturday - some sort of rave that is going on near where me and my friends will be camping. sounds fun.
sunday - haven't really made plans but im sure it will involve some sort of drug or alcohol and a lot of falling down. heehee.
monday - drive home and probably rest.

monday is the day of my bday, but im sure by that time i'll need a good day to rest. i can no longer go on week long binges and feel fine the next day.

i guess turning 20 will have that sort of withering affect on the body. 10 more years i'll be 30. I shudder at the thought.

i saw a dead body yesterday.

it was being rolled out of the hospital on a stretcher and in a body bag.

its kinda mean, but the first thing i said was "thats fucking cool!"

thank god the guy rolling the body out didn't hear me.



i dunno, i think seeing a dead body like 2 feet away from you and then holdling the door open for the guy to get the body outside is kinda cool.

its not something that happens everyday.

I did ecstasy for the first time friday night and then saturday morning, and the rest of the whole day i spent throwing up. Im okay today.

can ecstasy make you sick like that? or should i just blame it on a 24 hour flu or something??

i had a lot of fun on it, but if thats what the after effect is like, i'd rather just not do it.

"I can barely stand myself most days don't try to ask me to tolerate anyone else."

i've just been wandering through live aimlessly lately.
theres no real use for my xsistence at the moment.

no real reason why i should be waking up in the morning.

i think the only reason i do wake up is to piss other ppl off all day.
thats the only thing that gives me any pleausre anymore.

making other ppl angry at me.

why whould that be?

it seems a little strange to me.

its fun doing your morning routine high.
Just smoking a bowl or two, or a joint and being high all morning.

just drinking my coffee high, reading the paper high. for me, the morning is a stressfull time b/c thats where my day starts and if i fuck it up now, i'll probably fuck up all day. and a joint just puts me in a very relaxed mood in the morning.

actually looking forward to going to work some times is how relaxed and happy i get.

i never get like that when i smoke a joint any other time of the day.

so thats why being high in the morning rox.

The End.

my life is the life of a "full house" episode.
somethings always going on, but its always so boring.

why does nothing seem to feed my apitite for SOMETHING?

i always have things to do, but after i do it, it seems as though nothing even happened at all b/c it was so boring my mind didn't even register it as an "event".

and whats with ppl always thinking im pissed off when in fact im only just bored?

i mean, they seriously think im suicidal and if they let me out of their sight i'll go and kill myself? do i always look just THAT miserable? "leave me the fuck alone! if you keep fucking bothering me about it i'll go "suicidal" on your ass!"

is it so hard to believe that a person has more fun with themself than with a bunch of ppl?

some ppl are just that way. some ppl are better off as loners. thats just the way some ppl are. and its not that loners are bad ppl and that they hate everyone, its just that they feel happier alone. and being a loner dosn't nesicarliy mean that they have no social skills and are socially awkward. I know a lot of "loners" who actually get along with ppl and act very well in social situations, we just prefer to be alone."

im just a little pissed off at society's perception of ME inparticular. Everyone just needs to CHILL!

i want to get my tattoo done some time soon, but i need to find someone to draw it first.

a pink & purple dragon sitting on a cresant moon with some stars and its shedding a single tear, on the calf of my leg some where, im presuming its gonna take up most of my leg, but thats alright.

i know xactly what it loox like in my head, but i suck at drawing and i'd never draw it right, but its still very hard to xplain to someone else what i want.

im not getting it done unless i can get it done xactly how i want it.

i sawed him, oh yes i sawed him.

it was great, it was fun. i hope to do it again some time.
i miss hanging out with all those guys, they bring out the best person in me.
and i like being the best.

#1


why is it that moments of unpleasantness never seem to end and moments of joy can never last long enough?


would i ever crave unpleasantness and wish for joy to cease and desist?

well, i was ditched last night.

he was suppose to phone me and tell me where to meet him, but he never phoned.
said he just had to go out for a few minutes.
but he never did phone back.

i hope something horrible didn't happen to him, b/c its really not like him to do something like that. and i wanted to phone him back and see what was up but i didn't wanna look all desperate for someone to hang out with, which i really was anyway.

i hope something horrible didn't happen, but i also hope that he didn't just forget about me, or even worse, didn't wanna hang out with me from the beginning.

i just hope i wasn't rejected on purpose, b/c thats not gonna make my spirits any better and its certainly not gonna make me wanna go out more. becoming a hermit isn't as bad as it seems really, but everyone needs some sort of fun or xcitment in their lives and last night was suppose to be mine.

oh well, i must say, i got a good nights sleep instead.

stupid cat, trying to pounce on my fingers as i type.

Comp finally fixed.
cept all my music is gone.
had to get new hard drive.
boourns.

sad dawnee.

finally some nice weather.
some nice hot weather for dawnee.

cept nobody to do anything with in the nice hot sun.
where does one go to find friends?

i feel out of place.

what do i do to stop feeling constantly unsatisfied and unfullfilled?

this weekend will be the death of me.

your so fucking simple its complex, yet not interesting enough to really care.